Typical German?

We always end up with a couple of clichés when describing what is typical of a nation. This becomes really dangerous when we start talking about national traits.

When I started my job at CERN 43 years ago, I had a Norwegian boss who spoke German better than English, mainly because the Nazis had deported him to Heidelberg during World War II. At the university, they taught him German Physics, a 'science' that, among other things, rejected Einstein's theory of relativity because Albert was a Jew.

One day good old Johan, as we used to call him, told me: You are not a typical German, a multilayered remark. At that time, I took it as a compliment, for I had in mind all those films running on Swiss and French television showing the dumb and ugly German. I also remembered a scene from a political cabaret where they played desperate Germans deprived of love from other nations ending in a bitter refrain: Nun liebt uns endlich, oder es knallt! (Love us at last, or it will backfire).

A newspaper from Cologne, the Kölner Stadtanzeiger, asked a couple of young journalists what might be typically German. The US correspondent wrote that the question was typical German because Germans always want to know what other countries think about them. In contrast, other nations could not care less how their neighbors regard them. On the other hand, the journalist of the Irish Times took a step further, recommending sending this question into retirement because it will only lead to quarrels.

I do not know whether the question leads to quarrels, but the various answers given by those foreign correspondents were interesting. The American also wrote that Schadenfreude is typical for Germans because they have a particular word for it. He is correct. We even have a proverb about Schadenfreude: Wer den Schaden hat, braucht für den Spott nicht zu sorgen (Those having the damage needn't worry about lack of mockery).

The Dutch guy found that wearing a bike helmet and eating thick slices of Schwarzbrot (coarse rye bread) was typically German. He is utterly mistaken concerning helmets on bikes. The situation is so disastrous that our Minister (State Secretary) of Transportation considers an obligation (a typically German regulation frenzy?) to wear helmets when riding a bike.

As far as Schwarzbrot is concerned, I have it daily for breakfast, although in thin slices. This bread is healthy and tasty. Germans living in foreign countries usually take ample supplies with them before crossing the border and later, when they run out of it, have them sent by air.

I love my Kraftklotz (Power log) for breakfast.

According to the Italian correspondent, Germans constantly think about money, particularly about the coming inflation. Should we show the same relaxed attitude towards the rotten mammon as our southern neighbors? We Germans have lived through inflation twice in the last century, whereas the Italians did not even notice theirs, just adding another zero to their lira as time went by.

Do Germans as pedestrians obey red traffic lights such that the Italian journalist, having lived here for a while, now feels obliged to do the same at home? The guy did not extend his research to cyclists, for then he might have noticed that in Freiburg, they never observe any traffic rules, including red lights.

The Mexican guy discovered that Germans start conversations by complaining about the weather. Could this be an atavistic heritage when more than 90% of Germany's population worked in agriculture, or did you ever meet a farmer not complaining about the weather?

The Frenchman seriously asked: Are the French better than Germans? in comparing how universities are run in both countries. In cool Germania, students lead an anarchistic life compared to high-school-like teaching at French universities. He did not mention that due to the academic freedom in Germany, nowhere in Europe do students spend a longer time with their alma mater. Sitting on selection boards at CERN, I have seen French academics 24 years old competing with Germans aged 29, the first speaking French and the second broken English. Guess what the outcome was.

For the Polish guy, Germans are a strange mixture between good citizens and grumblers. Their deep-rooted obedience toward authorities and love for law and order are paired with a growing self-awareness of their rights. They stand there for their bonds, even taking minor quarrels to the highest court.

Last but not least, the Austrian girl still had yet to overcome the Habsburg inferiority complex towards the Prussians. Yes, in the past, the Prussians and not the Germans beat the Austrians on several occasions. The cliché of the Prussian officer with his switched-off brain and shouting has left its mark for posterity in Karl Kraus's drama Die letzten Tage der Menschheit (The last days of mankind). The trauma of dominant Prussia is still rooted in the heads of many Austrians. But then, having lived in Germany for a couple of years, she admitted: It is typical that a typical German trait no longer exists.

Does this mean we will eventually get rid of the typical German wearing his Lederhosen? If this is at all typical, it is Bavarian, not German.

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