Frequently, Red Baron rips out a few feathers of other people in his writings,
but does not use them to adorn his blogs. The following, however, is an
exception where I feature a translation of a letter from Napoleon to Trump. Der
Spiegel author
Evelin Ruhnow
guided the French emperor's pen. I added some illustrations and footnotes.
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Detail from the well-known painting by
Jacques-Louis David
Premier Consul franchissant les Alpes au col du Grand
Saint-Bernard
with Trump in the saddle instead of Napoleon (©Der
Spiegel)
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In his letter, Napoleon dissuades the US president from emulating him.
Dear Mr. Trump,
For some time now, I have been
following your efforts to claim the top position among history's greats,
growing more displeased with each passing day.
Mon cher ami, let me
tell you: This place has already been taken. And although you have a
reputation for an incorrigible attitude, I am sending you these well-meant
objections in the hope of dissuading you from your mission impossible.
"The career is open to the talented," I always say, and I am convinced of
that, after all, I am living proof of it. However, I would like to express
some doubts about you.
Très bien, you have made it to
the presidency for the second time. That may be a more remarkable
achievement than some would have given you credit for.
1. For me, it is instead a testimony to the failure of your people, who once
dared to equate my severed penis with a shriveled eel and put it on public
display.
Quels crétins!
Nevertheless, I am surprised that this once proud nation could elevate
a questionable homme d'affaires like you to office. It is often only a step
from the sublime to the ridiculous.
2. I may be less familiar
with today's times. Nevertheless, it seems at best risqué to me when a
self-declared "king" bases his wisdom on the trials and tribulations of TV
réalité. Voltaire, Goethe, Rousseau - these are the names he should be
studying, Caesar, Alexander the Great, and Hannibal, the heroes he should
strive to emulate. And by the latter, I don't mean that psychopath dérangé
you so deliberately mention.
3. I cannot help but attest a lack of consistency in your foreign policy
affairs that is not befitting of a truly great ruler. Take, for example,
your efforts to start a tariff war. That may be a clever move to turn the
nations against you, bien sur. But if it is, then please do it properly.
In my time, I set up a continental blockade that almost brought the
whole of Europe - including my own empire - to ruin. If you do stupid things,
they must at least succeed.
4. Success makes great men, but what
notable successes may you show? The path to true greatness requires great
deeds and titles.
I was First Consul and crowned Emperor. I became
King of Italy and holder of the Order of the Elephant. People have erected
statues of me, written books about my life, and named plants after me. And
you?
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| ©dinarchronicles |
So far, you have only fantasized in front of tasteless gold statues bearing
your
visage.
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| ©The White House |
And a patched-up picture with a crown doesn't make an aristocrat. Not everyone
masters the art of declaring himself an autocrat.
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The fake citation (©Stephen Colbert)
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5. I take particular offense at your attempt to appropriate my fame. Using a
false quote and putting on your own crown, elevating your closest family members
and followers to positions of power*, infiltrating the media with systematic
"press work" and presenting yourself as a chosen savior - all just to emulate
me?
Pathétique! *Don't run your mouth too full here, Napoleon. His older brother
Joseph Bonaparte
was first King of Naples and later King of Spain. Napoleon's younger brother,
Louis, became King of Holland, and his youngest brother, Jérôme, was King of
Westphalia.Apart from the fact that there can only be one original - and
that's me - I intensely dislike being associated with your questionable
practices and manners. And your attempts to reach out for things beyond your
reach sometimes seem clumsy, like your hand.
Finally, if my letter
does not dissuade you from your fruitless efforts to climb the steps of glory, I
would like to issue two warnings. They are based on painful experiences that I
am reluctant to talk about.
Firstly, if you put all your trust in
Russia, you may end up like me. I, too, generous as I was, made a peace that the
ungrateful Tsar broke only a short time later.
And secondly, the
people's anger is awakening faster than you can imagine.* Your second term of
office may not yet last a hundred days like mine, but I assure you: The voices
wishing for your abdication can already be heard loud and clear. As soon as the
luck changes, the mob will become ungrateful.
*After the lost Battle of Leipzig, Napoleon resented, "Conquests have made
me what I am. Only conquests can keep me in power."
All well and good, but my Russian campaign may not have been a strictly
successful one. Looking back, perhaps I should have been satisfied with my
petty kingship on Elba (you call yours Mar-a-Lago) - but who can predict that?
And before you know it, you end up on a lonely, barren island. Alone.
Quelle farce!
Last but not least: I heard you once remark
during a visit to France that things didn't end well with me. But if you think
you could follow in my oversized footsteps without sharing a similar fate, all
that remains for me to say is: Bonne chance.
With disdainful
regards
Napoleon Bonaparte (the real one)
**