Pee Power

These days, urine, or instead urinating men, dominate the German press. Red Baron did not want to enter the debate about peeing until he came across a picture from the University of the West of England. On campus, peeing men produce urine-tricity, generating light to help keep women safe at night. A noble cause worthy of writing a blog about it.

On campus (©DerSpiegel)

Here on the Continent, the situation is quite different. Although done in a green city, peeing in Freiburg does not produce electricity. Wildpinklers (wee-ers in public) avoid public toilets and let it flow freely everywhere, preferably in dark corners. The city government is confused and feels so peed on that Mayor Salomon stated: Auch wenn ich immer an allem schuld sein soll, da kann ich nichts dafür (Even though I will always be to blame for everything, I am really not responsible for it).

Passive measures against Wildpinkler:
Barred entrances on Freiburg's Schustergasse (©BZ/Michael Bamberger)

It is pretty evident that these wee-er men (and a few women) lack education in literature. Already in Georg Büchner's drama Woyzeck, written in 1836, the doctor confronts his retarded patient with the misdeed of Wildpinkeln claiming that sphincter muscles can be controlled:

Doktor: Ich hab's gesehn, Woyzeck; er hat auf die Straß gepisst, an die Wand gepisst, wie ein Hund. – ... Woyzeck, das ist schlecht; die Welt wird schlecht, sehr schlecht! Woyzeck: Aber, Herr Doktor, wenn einem die Natur kommt. Doktor: Die Natur kommt, die Natur kommt! Die Natur! Hab' ich nicht nachgewiesen, daß der Musculus constrictor vesicae dem Willen unterworfen ist? Die Natur! Woyzeck, der Mensch ist frei, in dem Menschen verklärt sich die Individualität zur Freiheit. – [schüttelt den Kopf] Den Harn nicht halten können.

Doctor: I saw you, Woyzeck; you pissed on the street, pissed on the wall like a dog. – ... Woyzeck, that is bad; the world is getting bad, very bad. Woyzeck: But Sir, doctor, when nature comes. Doctor: Nature comes, nature comes! Nature! Didn't I prove that the musculus constrictor vesicae is subjected to will? Nature! Woyzeck, man is free; in man, individuality idealizes freedom. – [shaking his head] Not retaining his urine.

Apparently, the doctor needs to be corrected about the potentiality of the musculus constrictor vesicae. Freiburg has a stinking problem, and our helpless authorities are deliberating whether the situation is worse than in other German cities.

Meanwhile, particular walls in Hamburg's red light district Sankt Pauli are painted with hydrophobic paint containing nanoparticles so that when pissing against them, pee is reflected back to the wee-er.

St. Pauli pees back (©Der Spiegel)

In Freiburg, there have yet to be any nano reflectors. Instead WIR asked for a Stadtkümmerer. Red Baron read a funny commentary in the Badische Zeitung: The city caretaker should – when listening to the sound of splashing water – rush a chamber pot to the scene instead of using the taser.

*